Simple Math

Pudgy body + tiny bikini= a ruined bikini and an unsightly view for the rest of us having to endure looking at your muffin top, stretch marks, saggy skin, and every other blemish which would be covered if only you would buy a modest bathing suit.

Let's face it, people, true beach bodies are hard to come by, yet bikinis are practically the only thing sold now-a-days. Americans are fatter than ever and our clothes are tinier than ever. Something isn't quite working here. Someone isn't doing the math. And it's not the bathing suit manufacturers. We all know how supply and demand works. They are thrilled because they can use a fraction of the facbric used for a one-piece suit and sell it for just as much money. But who is losing? ME!! Put some clothes on, for Heaven's sake! Can you not SEE??? Do you actually think you look GOOD in that? One thing I've learned from American Idol...there's a lot of friends who lie out there. If they tell you you look good in that ittybittybikini, don't trust them. You have to have a seriously nice body to wear a bikini. So if you put on that bikini and have rolls hanging out and your BA-ZOOMS are about to fall out of it, please spare the rest of us and go for the more modest choice. Thank you.